DAD KICKING BUTT AND CONQUERING NIGHT GOLF

After a few days of relaxing and seeing the local sights in Fiji, we changed hotels. This new resort was a little closer to the airport for our next flight, and had a golf course just waiting for me to bring it to its knees. This was all booked in advance, so it was not because we didn’t like the first resort, it was just because this is the way Deysi had planned it. Our second hotel was called The Fijian and was on its’ own island across a short causeway from the road.

The island resort ran parallel to the beach. It was an island but because it was so close to the main road, it did not seem like one. It was a big resort and probably 4 or 5 star at this time. It had a golf course, an outdoor seafood restaurant (that in itself was famous), great pools, a beautiful beach, surf sports equipment, deep sea fishing and lots of activities for the girls. It also came with sea lice included for free (reference the previous story, Deysi caught the sea lice here). We settled right in and I immediately went looking for a golf game.

Dressed like that I made a beeline for the golf course to seek out some fresh meat. It had been a while since I had crushed someone on the old “links”. A long, long while. Anyway my reputation seems to have proceeded me because when I arrived at the course there was no one there, only the club pro. He explained that the other golfers had all heard of my arrival and had scooted off to go sign up for lawn bowls. “Well says I, then you will just have to do” and I challenge him to a game. “You are on”, he extends his hand and says “see you tomorrow morning at 7:00am sharp”.

I go back to meet the girls and Deysi has one question for me “you challenged who? Now I know you are mad!” With that vote of confidence I immediately go into my training regime. You know the one, eat lots and stay up late. Next morning I’m up early and meet my new foe doing his stretches in front of the club house. We agree, $20 wager and he gives me a stroke a hole. What could possibly go wrong? Well the first day I wasn’t so bad. I think I held him off until about the 15th hole before he put the dagger in my heart. It was encouraging, I could see room for improvement.

Each day we stayed there, we had the same match, with pretty much the same result. I pounded his foot with my butt until he gave up. Deysi had little sympathy but made the girls quit asking, “who won dad” and then sniggering, before even hearing the answer. They were so cruel.

All that is good, but the real story happened on the second night we were there, when the pro asked me to join a night golf tournament he had organized. In Fiji, being so close to the equator, it turns dark by 7:00pm. I am there early, pumped and can’t wait to see how this night golf works.

He hangs glow sticks on the pins on a few holes, and breaks open a pack of “glow in the dark” golf balls. Once stimulated they glowed with a soft green luminescent glow. Beautiful. I can’t wait. Because I am now his favorite golfer of all time and the source of his spending money for the next few days, I get to lead off. He breaks out one (of his ten pack of fluorescent balls), places it on the tee for me. I take a mighty lash at it and hit it high and about 45 degrees to the left. The last I see of it, it passes over the first row of 40 foot palms that line that side of the course. He says “good strike, but try to swing thru the next one”.

With that he unwraps another, stimulates it, and places it squarely on my tee. This time I really put a choke hold on this club. I bring it back as far as I can and hit that badboy, exactly in the same spot that I hit that first one. It is still going up as it passes over the trees heading for never never land. Deysi’s comment was “it looked like a firefly when it went over those trees”.

His look is priceless, here I have just lost 20% of his “glow in the dark” balls and WE ARE NOT YET OFF THE FIRST TEE, and no one else has even had a chance. He says “you know what, I need an honorary Marshall, to keep track of scores and golfers. Would you like to be the Marshall”? I say yes and he is so relieved. Thus my night golf career was ended!