OUTRAGED TO THE CORE OF MY BEING – OR IS IT JUST BOLOGNA

As you can gather from the title of this next post, I am not quite sure, yet, whether I am about to go on a full out rant or whether I will pee my pants laughing at the political moves of the liberals in BC politics. My god it appears that there is no “hurdle” to low for this group to try and crawl under. It shows the depth of self abasement that this group will go to in order to get a shot at the “gravy train” of being elected to the “swamp” called the BC government.

It all came to pass that on a bright and clear morning this past week. With visibility well over two miles. As I was driving to my happy place. As usual, not bothering anyone, minding my own business. I was thinking of love and peace for my fellow man and woman. Then I pass an acquaintance’s house. In the lawn I see a new campaign placard proclaiming his/their support of “someone”. This immediately sends some information signals to my brain. Firstly there is, apparently, going to be an upcoming election in BC.

This info floods my psyche to about the level of seeing Deysi’s cat walk walking across the room. Or if I am going to be completely honest, maybe not even that much. Anyway, it also registers that, as he has loudly proclaimed in the past, he has the Blue, white and red banner of the Consevative Party proudly displayed on his lawn. I peer a little closer to capture the name of the candidate. Another electrical impulse travels down the highway and into my brain where it immediately sends a signal to my foot. With a “screech”, I stand that car on its nose (a foreign devil of a front wheel drive car) and like to have impaled myself on the steering wheel. I do a double take! Geezus am I really losing it this time?

I read that billboard again. Sure enough the name that appears is that of a staunch left wing, tax spending, stalwart from the BC Liberal Party. His name proudly displayed in the campaign colours of the Conservative Party! Blue, Red and White are the historical colours of those proudly proclaiming their conservative political affiliations. Now, brightly, displayed for those that cannot read but that can still recognize colours.

It is very easy to identify which of the lefty groups are fielding candidates in any election. A bright Red has always proclaimed the leftist party of BC (the Liberal Party). Always a bright Orange the pinko group of the Socialist NDP loonies. A Shocking Green represents the remnants of the hippies and huggers groups.(Those that don’t want you cutting plant growth, but do allow that it is ok to smoke it – that is if the plant falls over by itself and you don’t have to cut it). Immediately I think they have tricked my acquaintance. Perhaps, he just looked at the campaign colours of the conservatives and didn’t really care who they run. HHHHMMMMMM? I am pretty sure he can read so an evil thought enters my otherwise, pure mind. What if, in fact, he is really a closet Liberal and is now hiding behind the colours of a conservative sign board. What say you?

I was shaken to my core! But, as I continued my remaining 3 minute drive to a rousing game of golf. I realized that I really didn’t give a crap about which one of the tax and spend groups controlled BC politics. Because at this point in my life I have very little money left for them to tax. Time to back away and quit trying to impose my political will on still involved, family and friends. Time to let go and leave them to choose their own political fate. I decided that it is well time for me to see the humor of this situation. Maybe to revel in the antics and self abasement of a group that would copy the symbol of their arch rivals. Just to win a seat at the trough with the rest of the pigs. I felt free, I allowed a snigger to escape, and I unloaded my equipment. Then, joyfully embarked on a quest to find something really important, Golf! I was finally free of my self righteous political anger.

Ha, not so fast you might say, Jimbo’s life never passes quite so easily. Not without, one more attempt to poke him in the eye and get a rise out of him. Then, a long held wisdom from the deepest parts of Africa enters my ,mind. It says, “when you grab the leopard by his testicles, you must be prepared for his rage!” And sure enough, not two days later the phone goes off, early in the morning, with a most irritating sound. I have nothing going on at that moment, so i’m thinking “ oh please let this be a telemarketer, please”. So, I politely answer “moishy moishy” (Japanese for hello) and I am connected to a voice that greets me by name and explains the reason for this call being to introduce me to ……….., the “liberal” candidate to the BC Legislature in the upcoming election.

I politely interrupt and explain that they must have gotten my info in error, because I am and have always been a loyal conservative. And further, would they please remove my name from their “liberal” call sheets. This elderly voice (I am elderly so I have a right to recognize an elderly voice), now says “but this candidate is really a conservative”. Maybe just running disguised as a Liberal. This again, using my first name, suggesting familiarity. I now feel that deep burning bubble rising in the pit of my stomach. Spots are forming into a kaleidoscope in front of my eyes. I then snap! It all comes pouring out! As politely as I can muster, I then explain that anyone who would stoop so low to win a seat at the trough, by stealing someone’s campaign colours, would never get my vote!

I explained that it went against my whole being and against everything I knew about fair play, and right and wrong, to perpetrate such a trick. The voice then says “the BC Liberals are really the BC Conservatives”. I again politely ask “ why, then would they not call themselves that?” There was no answer to this so I helped out “is it because some people will stoop to anything to get elected?” Once again this friendly voice, in a most cajoling manner told me “ well if you don’t vote for this candidate your vote will be useless”.

Now I am way beyond control and have blood pouring down my cheeks as I clamp my teeth solidly around my tongue, to try and prevent the inevitable string of “f” words that are about to spill out. Sensing my catatonic state the voice says “well I do understand your position but we hope you reconsider”. I slam that phone down, aim a kick at the cat and break into a long pent up curse. Deysi then appears and admonishes me for abusing a senior. I protest that I didn’t call them! To no avail, after making her statement, she turns and flounces off. Apparently the whole thing is my fault. Geezus, where’s my rope? .