FAMOUS LAST WORDS – DISNEYLAND PARIS SUMMER 2001

I have just had a request from a faithful reader named Ange, for more tales and memories of our multiple visits to Disneyland over the years. This was and still is her “happy place”. If she could, she would gladly move right in and take up permanent residence inside the Park. Sitting back, I am now thinking of how to write something for her. I am struck by a very clear image or memory of part of our time in Disneyland, Paris in the year 2001. Ange, myself and ol’ Bubbaloo decided that it was time for another vacation. This time it was going to be to Disneyland in Paris, France.

Wahoo, I could hardly wait. Nothing I like better than to pay good money to get on rides, high up off the ground, and be spun around in circles until I puked. I knew her Mom wasn’t riding any, and she wasn’t going on alone, so guess who is left. Anyway, all of my protesting was to no avail and embark, we did, to Paris to see the incredible world of Disney. One thing I do remember clearly is the same annoying music (in French) that Disneyland blasts you with in English in all of their other sites. Well grumbling aside. I dutifully put on a smile and took Ange, now in her mid teens to visit her favorite place of all time.

As is normal, we stand in line to enter, but ol’ Bubbaloo had some passes arranged so that part, went relatively easily. I did not even look at the prices as I already knew that if we thought it was expensive in LA to go to Disneyland. Then we had not seen anything yet. You want to see expensive, then let the French charge you. I’m sure that they even added on a surcharge because we looked like the hated English. In we go, music blaring, people shouting, the sun blazing, Mickey Mouse bouncing around and Ange bopping up and down beside me. Telling me about all of the thrilling rides we are going on. One of these will stick in my mind forever.

We have been walking around for a while, visited a couple of tame rides. Such as, the tram around the park, and a “small world” type ride. We had eaten our first French hotdog (pronounced hot-dog), drank our first Coca Cola and bought our first souvenir. Things are going well, and then we spot a roller coaster. I could not read the hype written all over it. However, I think it said something like “no big deal”, “easy rider” “for the faint of heart”, etcetera. Ange and I get in line. It was a relatively long line and we move closer to the front, inch by inch. I believe ol’ Bubbaloo went to get us tickets while we waited in line.

The closer we get, the louder and more frequent the heart wrenching screams get, emanating from inside this ride. Ange is now starting to shed her veneer of bravery and starting to second guess her choice of a ride to go on. Her bravery is fading fast. I am as usual, the stalwart of bravery in the face of chaos. Closer and closer we get, no mom with tickets yet and now Ange is starting to say “well maybe we don’t need to go on this ride” and “dad it’s ok if you want to miss this one”. I tell her we can’t get out now, there is no exit. She says “we can just go BACK through the lineup and exit the way we come in. I puff myself up and tell her “Ange a H…D NEVER GOES BACKWARDS”.

Mom appears, hands us tickets and we are shoved through the entrance portal. An empty roller coaster car pulls up, in we get, are strapped down, the safety lever is set and we give a wave to mom, who is now looking in at us over the rail. What could possibly go wrong. WHHHHOOOOOOSSSHHH, without warning, we are immediately slung straight backwards into a light speed backward loop, ass over teakettle, a side twister, a couple more lightning loops, again straight backwards. I hear a long piercing scream, that never ends, escape from Ange’s lips. I open my mouth to cry for help. Nothing comes out! Around and around we go, up down, over under, all the while backwards.

In what seemed like hours, but in reality was more like a few seconds we were slammed to a halt at the station. We had been flung backwards at the speed of light. Made a revolution of the complete track and landed back where we started. I swear, no more than 5 seconds. As we slam backwards into the station, my voice finally works and a high pitched “eep” escapes me. In case this thing starts up again, we unbuckle ourselves and spill out of the exit. Bubbaloo waits for us outside and asks “what’s wrong with you guys, was it fun”?

I still cannot yet speak, my knees are wobbly, I have stage three whiplash and my bowels are loose. Ange is starting to recover, but looks like she has seen a ghost. I’m not sure if this was the one event that started my heart issues for the rest of my life, however shortly after arriving back from Disneyland Paris, I was in a hospital in Glasgow, Scotland having a roto-rooter run up my arteries into my heart. Geezus, I’ll never forget those famous last words ” A H…D NEVER GOES BACKWARDS”!