RANTS

THE GREAT VALENTINES DAY CRAP STORM OF 2021

Up to now I had been enjoying a very temperate and rather mild winter. A cooler version of Hawaii, you might say. I have been, as usual, minding my own business and not bothering anyone. I had also, by now, fallen into a routine of daily hikes with ol’ Bubbaloo. This, driven by our need to stay fit during the period of PP self isolation. Additionally, I had added, twice weekly games of golf within my “golf bubble”. I know the PP keeners want to understand what a “golf bubble” is, however I do not want to talk about it (it seems a little bit embarrassing to think they have brought me to this stage).

Life was moving on until yesterday and then all hell broke loose. By late morning, these great huge gobs of white crap started falling from the sky. I know just what this means. By this morning there were about 12 inches of these fluffy white, ugly pieces of @#%%%^&* lying around, piled all over our driveway and all over the golf course. I get up, take one look outside and quickly decide I can take off my golf uniform and put it away for the day. Ok I can live with it for one day. It’s now about 9:30am and snow has been falling for about 22 hours. My God am I sick of it! How long can it possibly last? I’m going stir crazy, I’m like a caged bear. I might as well be in Alberta! Unrelenting, minute after minute passes.

Oh how I long for my faded green grass, my dirty streets and the sight of my golf course. To make matters worse Ange calls to bubble about how lovely it looks! Geezus. The next person I communicate with then says, “remember you are old and feeble, DO NOT GO OUT THERE AND SHOVEL THE DRIVEWAY, you gonna die!”. Great just what I need, some positive reinforcement. Even 15 hours ago, walks, are already out of the question. No matter how pretty Bubbaloo tries to paint it, she’s not about to get out there and walk around in it, (by now it reaches about halfway up to her butt). I come up with a plan, I’ll use the time to make Peruvian bread.

I do, it was a moderate success and I used up a few hours of my imprisonment while involved in this task. Sad thing is though, never being one to show any form of control, moderation or restraint, myself, aided by my apprentice, then promptly ate it all. So waking up this morning, I not only suffer depression from peering out at the snow, I also now have “bread” remorse added to my burden. Throw in unrelenting pressure to help Hallmark celebrate their special day, and I am pretty much ready to hang myself back up in one of my trees.

Note: I just transferred them my card $$$ for this year, directly, to save them paying a middleman and thereby giving them a real chance to make some real, vulgar profits during this Pandemic. Aaaaaahhhhh, that feels much better, it’s out there. I can probably stand the rest of the day, but come tomorrow, if it’s not gone I’m packing my bags and heading for a more moderate climate, Alberta. Everyone that lives there assures me “its not so bad, it’s a dry cold”. That my friends is my rant for this day, the 14th of February 2021. I close with the wish of a HAPPY HALLMARK DAY to each and everyone of you. I think I’ll go dig up some grass clippings and make myself a salad, bah!

THE FIRST SAMPLES OF PERUVIAN “PAN DE TRES PUNTAS” HOT OUT OF THE OVER
THEY SMELLED SO GOOD THAT OL’ BUBBALOO AND I ATE THEM ALL IN ONE SITTING
BUBBALOO’S FIRST SIGHTING WHILE IT WAS STILL “PRETTY”, I THINK I NOW HEAR HER PACKING HER BAGS.
MY FIRST SIGHTING OUT THE WINDOW THIS MORNING, I SLUNK BACK AND TOOK OFF MY GOLF UNIFORM, BAH.
HOUR AFTER HOUR OF THIS WHITE, DEMORALIZING STUFF. I DON’T KNOW HOW MUCH LONGER I CAN TAKE IT.
THIS FROM 22 HOURS AGO WHEN I STILL FOUND IT SOMEWHAT AMUSING.

18 Comments

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Translate »

Discover more from Before My Clutch Slips

Subscribe now to keep reading and get access to the full archive.

Continue reading