ALMOST KILLED BY A DROP OF WATER – BANGKOK 1995

Shortly after arriving back in Canada, and settling into a home, I once again, found my butt in a foreign country. One of my first jobs, as a contractor for all things foreign, in the Engineering, Procurement and Construction business, took me to Thailand. There I was to assist a Canadian company who were embarking on their first international business venture. This next story is of one little incident during my early days there.

As I had stated earlier, our intention upon returning to Canada, was to settle, in one place, live the life, see family, finish raising the girls, have my older children close by and make a ton of money doing it. As it turned out, in those 4 years of our self employment, I spent about 90% of it spread out between Thailand, Mexico, Scotland, Norway, and Texas. Deysi and the girls, however, got to remain at home and experience a bit of family life, bond with their ever increasing gang of cousins, meet some new friends and be in the same school for more than 1 or 2 years, before being uprooted.

It so happened that one of the executives, of this company (we will call him Sf’gM), came to visit the Project, shortly after I had arrived, and after I had started to get into the work routine in Bangkok. He had been in and out of the country a few times, during the planning of this international venture, so was a little bit familiar with the sights. I, of course, was always eager to see the sights, anywhere that I visited.

One Sunday, after a full week of traffic, heat, crowded streets and annoying work, we decided to see a few of the sights in Bangkok. A major river (the Chao Phraya) runs thru the heart of the city, and so we agreed on a lunch downtown and an excursion down the river. Boat tours were easy to find, there happened to be hundreds within a few blocks of his hotel. The river boats were wooden hulled, they were 25 feet long, very narrow and looked like they might be very unstable. They were powered by outboard motors. connected to the prop, by a long metal driveshaft, which sticks into the water about 12 feet behind the boat. On the boat side, the pilot uses a 4 foot long steering pole, to manoeuvre the craft by swivelling the motor from side to side, which in turn moves the 12 foot driveshaft and prop in the water. It worked something like a long skinny tiller.

We were lucky enough to find one that was not occupied, so for a few dollars, were able to hire a private tour. The first thing you notice is this river, it is a couple of hundred meters wide, runs calmly, but very swiftly and appears to be quite deep, as evidenced by some major tour boats, ferries and cargo boats tied up to moorage near the centre of the city. The second thing you will notice, is the color of the water. It is a very dirty and somewhat smelly, cross between dirty laundry water and the contents of a septic tank. To say it looked unsanitary would be an understatement. It looked quite vile.

On both sides of the river, perched thatch and clapboard shanty towns, seemingly all about to fall into the water. The edges of the river were bustling with activity, with people doing laundry, disposing of waste into the water, children swimming, animals cooling themselves and a myriad of small craft, plying their trade to the people along the edge of the water. Businesses were also perched along, and overhanging, the banks in places. I think it was very obvious, where the effluent from manufacturing activities went. Yup, right into the river. All of this added to the delightful, unhealthy looking color of the water.

We proceeded to fly down the river, in our private tour boat and reached quite a righteous speed. The water was whipping by, boat traffic was intense, with watercraft of all styles coming and going, and crossing back and forth, seemingly at random, and without any rules that we could discern. It reminded me much, of how the taxis maneuvered thru traffic, on Bangkok streets. The wind was blowing thru our hair, it was keeping the river smell away and it had a cooling effect on us. Idyllic? Well maybe not quite, but it was a welcome change, from the impossible congestion, and stifling heat of Bangkok; where travelling, 10 miles, downtown to a meeting could take 3 or more hours. Content and relaxed, while shouting over the whine of the motor, we discussed, work, the sights, the heat, the traffic and all things Thai. Then it happened!

I was sitting facing the front of the boat and Sf’gM was sitting facing me with his back to the wind. I was just in the middle, of telling him some great story, when our boat hit a little swell, jumped up and down a bit and threw up a glob of water, about the size of an “underwear grey” golf ball. It came over the bow, past Sf’gM’s head and as if in slow motion, hit me right square in the middle of my throat. Whack, whoosh, splash! Before my mouth snapped shut it was into the deepest part of my bowels. My mouth did snap shut and I sat in stunned silence. Sf’gM sat staring at me in wonder. I think waiting for me to throw up. He looks me straight in the eye and says, very emphatically, “YOU GONNA DIE”! Well, that made me feel much better. I did not know what to do. It was obviously to late to vomit, I thought of emergency at the hospital, but only briefly, and then just sat quietly in my seat, waiting for some incurable form of tropical disease to end my misery. However, I’m still alive today, but that drink of Thai river water, may account for a small piece of my insanity.

Again, this was one very small incident among thousands of daily incidents in Thailand, but one that remains clearly in my mind to this day. The memory of that big, grey, glob of certain death coming straight for me, and the paralysis that prevented me from dodging it, replay often in my mind. I shudder every time I think of it. Lord knows how many millions of nasty little viruses I swallowed in one gulp on that day in Bangkok. Lucky for me, I was smart enough, to kill most of the little buggars, with beer.