JIMBORED DOES B&B ON SKYE IN SCOTLAND 2000

My next story, from our time in Scotland, was stirred up from the recesses, by recollections of our niece’s visit. As I have stated earlier, my niece Michy and her beau Jonny had come in search of their roots. It was during this visit that they, along with Deysi, convinced me that a family tour was in order. Always up for a good tour, I’m like, “hell yeah, I’ll go”. I always knew, that Deysi would look after transport, hotels, food and itinerary. All I ever had to do was be available. So basically, that is how we ended up on the Isle of Skye. It is located off the north tip of Scotland, so we all piled into our Honda SUV and off we went. This is where the story of JimboRed does B&B starts.

Personally, I knew little of Skye, its location, history or even why I should be interested in visiting it. However, as I said before, all I ever had to do was show up. I knew that if I got too inquisitive, then I would be given tasks to do. Armed with our trusty map and our navigator Deysi, we set out for what proved to be a three hour journey. At that time, you crossed from the coast of Scotland over to Skye on a small ferry that transported about ten cars. We arrived in the early afternoon, and proceeded to take a leisurely ride north, along the east coast. I understood that our accommodations were on the north end of the island. Apparently, we had lots of time, as check-in was later in the afternoon.

With this in mind, we headed along the coast, stopping often to take in the magnificent views. As always, Ange was with us. She still had not reached the age where she could stay home, like her big sister. Anyway, I believe she enjoyed most of our trips. With her cousin Michy on-board she did get a fair ration of spoiling. This was a little out of character for Michy, who only gave, her own little sister, a “ration of crap” in the way of nurturing. At one point we passed a village called Portree, which had a couple of small shops and a big boarded-up hotel. Because villages were not exactly popping up all over the place, I did mention to Deysi, that the hotel seemed to be closed. In response, she said, “don’t worry love, ours is farther north”. Why did my shoulder blades itch, hmmmm?

A couple of hours later, and a few more sights ticked off the list, we arrive at the north end. It was breathtaking. We were atop a high promontory, that overlooked the North Sea and the whole Isle of Skye. Incredibly rugged, wild and beautiful. We had arrived, aaahhhh. Hold it! Something just hit my mind. I’m looking out over the island and as far as the eye could see, I see no town. I see no resort and at the best I see only a small clump of houses at the bottom of our viewpoint. Deysi, says I, “where is our resort?” “Dear” she says in her syrupy voice, “this trip we are staying in a different type of hotel. It’s right down below us”. I squint out, but for sure don’t see anything that might qualify as a hotel.

We descend from this high perch and wind our way down to the valley floor. Deysi is busy with her map and some written instructions from the travel agent. I’m peering about, eager to find the hotel, bar, and swimming pool. “We’re here”! Ange shrieks with excitement, Michy and Jonny, hug in anticipation. I still don’t see anyplace that I am about to stay in. Deysi then smooths out, “honey I have a nice surprise for you this trip! We are going to stay in a B&B”. Now I didn’t know what that was, but I somehow know, I’m not gonna like this. Really all I can see is a small bungalow on the side of the road with a dork standing beside it.

Unbelievably, the dork is now waving his arms and jumping up and down. We pull in and he starts to run towards me with his arms wide open, in what looks like a welcoming embrace. I’m mortified! For you older people, it looked like a gangly, disjointed Jerry Lewis running towards me with his mouth puckered and making kissing motions. For the middle aged, picture Jim Carrey from pet detective running at you, or maybe Mr. Bean for the younger set. Anyway, I shoot some daggers at Deysi and blurt out, “if he touches me, I’ll drop him, I swear!” She’s like, “it’ll be ok, just be friendly.”

In any event, I do get out and this guy wraps me in a hug. I’ve got my hand on his face, trying to keep his tongue out of my ear. I am now glaring at Deysi. Jonny boy is pissing his pants. He thinks this is the most hilarious thing he has ever seen. Somehow, I get this guy peeled off me and follow him into the house. He shows us two bedrooms. Quickly Michy and Jonny pile into one of them and bolt the door. Jonny’s peals of laughter are echoing in my mind. Now, I throw our bags down and try to push this guy out of our room. Not so fast! He is now bouncing up and down on the end of our bed, hugging himself in delight and waiting for the fun to start.

Giggling he slobbers out, “Now what do you want to do tomorrow? What do you want to eat? Name anything, anything, you are the boss! Do you want to borrow my map? How about my binoculars?” By now, I’m so pissed at Deysi I can hardly speak. In just one short trip she had destroyed any wish I ever had to travel again. In turn, she has a “shit eating” smile on her face, and I know was thinking, “there that’s for everything you have done wrong in your life to this time”. Additionally from the next room, through these paper thin walls I can hear hehehahahoho. It pierced my very soul. Finally I agree to borrow the map and binoculars. Thus hoping to get him out of our room so I could bolt and lock the door.

That was easier said than done. He somehow managed to reach outside of the room, around a corner while keeping his foot wedged in our door. Zip, he’s back inside. Back on the bed and still bouncing up and down. He now unsaddles his bino’s from a tattered and beaten leather case. Geezus, he pulls out some vintage WWI binoculars. Obviously these were special. He then tells me how his grandfather left them behind when he disappeared into France for his last time. However, he says, with a tear in his eye, you can use them while you are here.

I do not want them, hear me? Without doubt, I’m going to drop them over a ledge and into the North Sea if I even lay my hands on them. Next comes the map. it hasn’t been unfolded since it was discovered in a tomb, a few thousand years ago. A lonely moth flys out of the first fold. I had visions of spilling a drink on it and all of the writing dissolving from its face. I beg him not to loan me these treasures. However, he’s not leaving unless I take them. Reluctantly I reach out and with shaking hands receive his most treasured items into my care. Finally he’s gone. I am in a cold sweat and can hear haahaaahaaaa and heeeheeeheee coming thru the walls. Michy has now joined in the hilarity.

We toured all thru next day. I stayed well away from the B&B and it’s crazy host. Come late afternoon, when everyone was beat, I’m still circling around on the summit above our “hotel”. Deysi finally notices and asks, “why are we still up here? I’m tired and want to go to my room”. All I could say was, “I’m just waiting for the lights to go out in that house, before we sneak back in”. Once again, a howl of animal laughter from Jonny. I can truly say that this was my introduction to the early form of B&B. And up to a point when Ron got married, 13 years later, I never, ever stayed in another one. So loyal fans, thank you for putting up with my story, but this is how Jimbo Red came to do B&B.