IS IT ALL OVER FOR JIMBO RED? A 2022 RANT.

Here I sit in January 2022, wondering if the old clutch has finally slipped. Ol’ Jimbo Red is in the middle of a complete writer’s block. Or perhaps it is, only, a temporary, lack of inspiration that prevents me from composing, something new, to add to this blog. On the other hand, I may have come to the end of my career as a writer. I can already hear the laughter and loud sighs of relief from my few humble readers. That cursed cat has been walking up and down past my office door, peering in and smirking. It is, as if it feels my pain. If I was quick enough (or brave enough), I would kick it’s ass. I am a man defeated. I stare into this evil machine and it stares back. Nothing is jumping out at me. However, if this is indeed the end, I will not go out without one last, soul cleansing rant.

This rant has been building and bubbling inside me for nearly 4 weeks. It started before Christmas, but was held in check, due to my promise of no “cursing” and/or “blasphemy”, over the holidays. I had promised to maintain a positive attitude, throughout this time of joy. I’m not exactly sure why I had to promise these things? Am I not, always, in a good mood and cheerful? Apparently Deysi does not see it this way! Geezus, I am completely misunderstood. Anyway something happened to get Jimbo Red, pissed, very early in the festive season. From there it bubbled and stewed, up until now. If I do not unload it, I am sure I will burst. If I do there will be holiday leftovers, sprayed all over this house. Let me set the stage.

The fall had not been particularly nice on the island. It seems like it started raining in mid September and did not stop until the first week of December. Now, I’m not complaining, about that. Although we got a little wet, we were able to maintain golf, 2 or 3 times a week. On my off-days, Deysi and I continued our “covid walks”. By this time I was getting used to tramping around the valley, looking at nature and shedding pounds. The fall passed, and I am comfortably getting settled in for winter golf. Everything is fine in the world, the stars are aligned, and we pop off 2 quick rounds of golf in the first 5 days of December. And then disaster hits!

I awake one morning, to thoughts of kicking some ass on the golf course. I scratch, stretch and yawn, then peer outside to see if I need to pull out the shorts for the day. Somehow my mind does not register what I see. My first thought is, “no shorts needed today”. Then it hits me. I peer out again and am staring at eight inches of heavy, wet, snow! My mind screams out in anguish. I run to the other side of the house to see if maybe it is clear, over there. “Nooooooo”, I cry out. My vehicle is buried under a ton of snow. I stumble down to get a little sympathy from Deysi. Her attitude is, “well you need some time at home anyway, to get ready for Christmas.” I can tell, she is delighted, and quite pleased with herself and the snow.

The only good out of this was that Ange was home for the weekend. She was here to drop off her cat, prior to hopping off to Hawaii. As she put it, “to shed some stress and get some travel in, before some fool locked everyone in again.” Of course, before she could flit around, like a “blue ass fly”, she needed to have someone to look after her cat. Geezus, I always told her, if you lock a cat in a room (at your home) for 7 days, with no food and water, it will survive, easily. But no, nothing would do, except that Deysi, babysit this beast. The good part of this visit was that she now had to help me shovel the driveway. This, so she could make her escape and start her holiday, in the sun. So out we went.

I take out my trusty snow “clearing” tools. Only to realize, that with the big snow plow type shovel, we cannot move the snow more than a few inches at a time. And with the small shovel, that I can handle, I can remove about a tablespoon of snow at a time. Ange has an epiphany at this time. Dad she says, “you need a medium sized snow shovel.” “No shit”, I think! However, at this point , we are so snowed in that, I cannot get out of the driveway to go purchase a middle size shovel. So peck away we did. Ange pushing the wet, heavy, white crap, a few inches at a time, and me shovelling it to the side. Eventually, we cleared a path to the street. We make a dash to the hardware store and join the long line-up, of people waiting to buy snow shovels.

Ange was now free to get away from the snow and back to her vacation plans. Zzzzziiiipppp, like a phantom she disappears, leaving another beast in our midst. Now, I’m in a major pout. My life has just been ruined. I sit on the couch, day after day and stare out into this winter wonderland. I’m waiting patiently for rain, to wash it all away, and return my life, to me. Swear words are welling up, but I am stoically, fighting them off. Deysi, of course, will have none of my sulking and has prepared a list of “her top 100 things to do”, in preparation for Christmas. After a couple of days of sulking, I drag myself out to my garage and bust out the Christmas stuff. I cannot keep the negative thoughts like, why in hell, I had to buy a house, with a ski slope for a driveway, from crossing my mind.

For the next few days, I sulk a bit, fume a bit and finally re-think my list of my most hated tasks. I now realize, there is something I hate more than pulling weeds. And that is, shovelling snow. I also realize, as much as I have cursed it in the past, that I now consider “rain’, to be my friend. Big, heavy, wet drops of glorious rain, now fill my heart. Those along with, the festive, “visions of sugar canes, dancing in my head”. And sure enough, a week later, it rains. My spirits are buoyed, I am excited. The snow is rapidly disappearing. And after a week, the golf course is sending out preliminary messages, about opening. Wahooo! I quickly work off, many of Deysi’s Christmas jobs. All is right with the world. I can’t wait for a green Christmas.

One week prior to Christmas I am within a day of regaining my life, when disaster strikes. Once again I wake up to about 10 inches of fresh white crap covering everything. All hope is now gone. My spirit is crushed. I now have to go hide in my room, because I cannot possibly keep the bad words from welling up. While I am in my room, feeling sorry for myself, I hear our neighbour scraping snow from his driveway. It pierces my conscience. Why am I not out there with him, it seems to ask? An hour goes by and I slink outside to deal with this next load. It was amazing, my driveway was clean! Apparently what I heard our neighbour doing, was cleaning my driveway, while I hid in the house. He is a young strong Doctor and I guess felt that cleaning my snow was better than going out to revive me if I had the “big one”, while, doing it myself.

At this point I am left with little hope of a Boxing Day golf game. I feel bad because Ron and JMW were coming for Christmas. And this year I had promised him “another” ass kicking on the golf course. I expect he was a little relieved. After all, who wants their ass kicked by an old man, twice their age? Now I’m starting to fume, and cannot think of anything worse that could happen. Oh yeah? Well, read on! There is still a slight hope that it could melt in time for Christmas. But then, the temperature drops about 15 degrees. it seems an Arctic Vortex has arrived in our area. It got cold. Never have I experienced cold like this, here. It went to -6, then -8 and one day even to -12. Brrrrrr.

Now, our expected guests, are cancelling their Christmas visits. They too, feel my pain after two weeks of unrelenting snow. Even the geese, on the fields below us are heading to new pastures. First we lose D2, A and the grandkids, to a Covid scare with M. Luckily it was a false alarm, but they had to cancel. Them JMW’s dad (MW), and wife (LW) drop out, due to travel restrictions. Now our full house has become quite empty. Suddenly what would have seemed crowded, is now quite roomy. Ange, fresh from the beach, arrives in between snowfalls. The stage is set, and only a miracle can save our golf. Oh well, I will just have to stay positive and pray, a little.

Christmas Day arrives and it starts snowing lightly, prior to the arrival of Ron and JMW. I get out, while it is still light snow, and put salt on the driveway. Off to the airport we go, all the while keeping one eye on the weather. Finally, Deysi has her girls around her, and the world is right. I am trying to tell JMW, that this kind of weather is unusual and never happens here. He is listening, but, I note, a hint of skepticism in his look. By Boxing Day, another 8 inches of white crap has landed. Now I’m catatonic! If there was any good in this, it was that JMW and Ron, freshly arrived from Alberta, didn’t think it was too bad here. They weren’t exactly headed for the beach, but they weren’t bummed either. They were ready to rock and roll and see some sights.

About 7:00 am on Boxing Day JMW is out in the driveway shovelling snow. I hear him and roll out of my cocoon to help. By the time I get there he is about half done with the driveway. I grab my new shovel and pitch in. I must say, I cleaned about 10% in the same time that he did the other 90%. He is indeed, a work horse. Just watching him made me feel like getting back in my bed! I believe he shovelled nearly every day he was here. The cold is unrelenting. That day it reached -3 as the high. All hope of golf is gone. Canasta now takes over as our sporting event.

Christmas week passes, it remains cold, but the girls and JMW are still looking for adventure every day. Later in the week, we all pile in the car and travel to Ucluelet on the west side of the island. It’s supposed to be more moderate there. The trip from home to the west coast goes thru a small pass in the mountains. There was snow piled everywhere, but the road was clear. Of course, soon after our arrival, it started to snow. As New Year Eve passed, the snow increased in intensity. By New Year’s Day we were in the midst of a ferocious winter storm. Undeterred, Ron took endless photographs, while Ange and JMW flew drones overhead. The following day we were to return home. We were a bit apprehensive of the road conditions. However during our last night, snow turned to rain. By the time we were on the road, there was no remaining trace of yesterday’s blizzard.

The last couple of days of Ron and JMW’s trip, is in sunshine. Still cold, but no snow. On their final day, like some evil spirit is attached to me, it starts to snow again, lightly. We get them to the airport, just in time for a major storm to set in. I mentioned to Ron, on the way to the airport, that if her flight was cancelled she would have to return home and spend a couple more days with me. I believe her response was something like, “dad we’ll rent a car and drive back if necessary”. Theirs’ was the last plane that would leave the island that day. All others were cancelled. Ange had made her break for freedom the day prior. All of the sudden, Deysi and I were alone again.

Not to worry about having nothing to do, after our guests have left. The snow that started when we delivered Ron and JMW to the airport, continued for 24 hours. Thick, white, ugly flakes of snow. Once again, I was outside, digging us out from under, about 10″ more. I am a defeated man, my spirit is broken. But now I am free from my “no cursing” promise, and let rip, a string of words, that would do a longshoreman proud. I now truly hate snow worse than anything in my life. I welcome big dark clouds full of glorious rain, at any time. It’s still only the tenth of January, but already I feel the weight of this long and miserable winter.

There, I am spent! At last, I have purged that bottled up rant from my system. This post, I will keep, just in case, I ever make the mistake, of thinking that snowfall is beautiful. I also hope, now I have unleashed this cork from my system, that inspiration will somehow return and Jimbo Red can return to his memoirs. I bet you can’t wait, right?