I NEVER UNDERSTOOD HOW FULL OF CRAP I WAS UNTIL NOW

I have been grinding away on my typewriter now for 8-1/2 weeks and have spewed out 84,000 words (the equivalent to a 280 page book) from this befuddled mind. That is 84,000 that Deysi didn’t have to listen to. If the old pumper keeps going I might have 84,000 yet to come. I expect she is hoping every one of those goes down on paper and not into her ears from my mouth. My god she must be happy for my little machine and all of the hours it distracts me from talking to her. I even find that I get tired of myself sometimes, NOT!

This journey was started, to satisfy a need that I have always had for capturing some of our memories and preserving them for later members of our families and friends, who may have some interest in recalling and reliving some of our adventures. I used to do this by taking copious amounts of photos and video, however I have found that visual images do not tell the complete story, for others who might view them, unless supported by words that describe the time, location, situation and reason for taking the shot in the first place. I also hoped that thru my words, I could open an understanding of who I am, and how I arrived at this point in my life.

It may be true that starting this blog was key to my being able to get thru this period of self isolation. Those that know me, understand that it is going to be hard to cage me for more than one or two days. Even when I was ill, in the past, it did not prevent me from going to work, going to play or even just socializing. My best time of the day has always been early and therefore I tend to fade early. I was dangerous at 7:00 am and a pussycat at 7:00 pm. I got deeply immersed in whatever I was focused on at the time, be it work, golf, family, fishing, “gardening” and now, this “drivel” I call writing.

They all consumed me at some point in time. Obsessive Compulsive you think? This period of isolation allowed me to shift gears and focus a bit more on the mental rather than the physical (golfing, fishing, and beer drinking) and challenged me to try something different. I developed a website from scratch, I attended school in a subject that I had little idea of and I put pencil to paper and pecked out my first words. Once my first thoughts hit paper, I had to step back and think “man you are full of shit aren’t you?”.

For those that keep reading my words, I have great admiration. You all have very discerning taste and impeccable choice in reading materials. I admire the depth of your sympathy to my plight and to my isolation. I think that this exercise is strengthening my mind, but am not quite sure of that. When I ask Deysi, she just kind of looks at me with a condescending little smile playing at the corners of her mouth and says “yes Jimbo you are getting smarter by the day, soon you will be able to go back too work”. She then walks away snickering to herself.

It reminds me of someone patting an old dog on the head, moments before it gets a kick in the ass for yet another failure of performance. Anyway that was my mid book “seventh inning stretch” and reset for the journey that, yet remains. My opinion is that INDEED, this stuff that spews out of my brain is therapeutic and has helped greatly in the passage of time thru my imprisonment. My theme for the second half is “I Just Wanna Be Free, I Just Wanna Be Free”.