MY BLUFF HAS BEEN CALLED – I AM NOW EXPOSED – MY BREAD HAS BEEN OUTTED

It would now appear that my big, 1/2 Peruvian, mouth has finally got me into trouble from which there is no escape. I would run and hide, like a frightened Cuy at supper time, but there is no place left to cower. After all of my, braggadocio, bluster and evading subjects where I could be pinned down, I am now put into a corner of Tres Puntas. I have asked ol’ Bubbaloo for help, but she is like “don’t come running to me, now that they have finally caught up to you”! Geezus a lot of sympathy you get around here!

Anyway, what happened is one of my most loyal readers, as well as a smattering of “fair weather” readers have asked me for my Peruvian Bread, or PAN DE TRES PUNTAS DE AREQUIPA, recipe. Roughly translated to mean THREE POINTED BUNS (bread) FROM AREQUIPA. I had made such a performance, proclaiming my conquest of this famous bun, that someone has finally stood up and said “horseshit”. I have now been called out! The last two hours, I have been hiding under my covers, hoping that it was all a dream. After a while ol’ Bubbaloo rooted me out of there and said, “come on now bigshot, let’s see what you’ve got”!

Before I dive into this feeble attempt at replicating Peruvian bread perfection, I must make a string of apologies to all good Peruvian cooks. Firstly, the original Peruvian recipe is far too much work for my lazy ass, so I have had to take a few shortcuts, gringo style. Secondly, because we have been dedicated to watching our weight for the last few months, I had to throw out the MANTECA or lard, which probably gives the Pan, much of its taste. Thirdly, I’m not about to stand around and beat a pile of dough for hours, like the Peruvian bread apprentice might do. My apprentice just looked down her nose at me and flounced away when I suggested she roll up her sleeves and start beating on that dough “like a red headed foster child”.

So, I came up with a “no knead” or “no beating” dough. I also shortened the time frame, for letting the dough “rise”, from the Peruvian time of 12 – 20 hours, to a three hour period, which about mirrors my total attention span these days. Together this took about 16 hours out of the bread making process. having said all that, I am going to lay out my Gringo Triangle Bread recipe for your amusement and ridicule. I somehow feel like a politician caught with his hand in the cookie jar and now apologizing as fast as I can in front of the world, tears as big as horse turds pouring down my cheeks.

To add further injury, ol’ Bubballo, after learning of my predicament, and after devouring her full share of my Pan de Tres Puntas, now swells up and hits me with “how dare you claim to have made Peruvian bread from Arequipa, you did not even follow the whole recipe”. Deflated, I can only squeak out “I used flour, same as them”, and then slink away to face my doom. Now do I have major bread remorse? You think? I know exactly what the person felt like that came up with the first no alcohol beer and tried to claim it as the real deal, or the fool that made “patties” out of vegetables and claimed that he had replicated the Big Mac. Anyway for those that wish to read farther, the following is my recipe for GRINGO TRIANGLE BREAD FROM COURTENAY made by a half-peruvian.

LIST OF INGREDIENTS

• 2-1/2 CUPS OF ALL PURPOSE FLOUR
• 1 tbs ACTIVE OR DRY YEAST – it makes no difference
• 1 tsp SALT
• 1 tsp SWEETENER, MONK FRUIT, STEVIA OR SUGAR
• 1-1/4 CUPS OF HOT WATER (NOT BOILING) say about 65 – 70C

TOOLS OR EQUIPMENT

• 1 MEDIUM MIXING BOWL
• 1 FLAT BAKING SHEET
• PARCHMENT PAPER OR TINFOIL
• WOODEN SPOON
• COUNTER SPACE FOR FORMING BUNS

THE WORK PROCESS

• COMBINE ALL DRY INGREDIENTS IN MIXING BOWL
• ADD WATER – COMBINE TO FORM A WET DOUGH (note the resulting dough will be fairly wet and sticky – if you mix comes out dry and “shaggy” add a bit more water until the dough is wet and wiggles in the bowl when shaken lightly in a circular motion.
• COVER WITH SARAN WRAP & PLACE ON A COUNTER FOR 3 HOURS
• AFTER THREE HOURS, TURN DOUGH OUT ONTO A FLOURED BOARD OR COUNTERTOP. IF AT THIS POINT THE DOUGH IS STILL TOO WET AND STICKY TO WORK WITH, SPRINKLE MORE FLOUR ON TOP TO MAKE IT EASIER TO WORK WITH. (see illustration 1/1A below)
• NOW TO MAKE YOUR BUNS PERUVIAN:
• LIGHTLY FLOUR YOUR PREP AREA, AND CUT YOUR DOUGH INTO 6 EQUAL PORTIONS. (see illustration 2/2A below)
• GENTLY SHAPE EACH INTO A ROUND BALL ABOUT 2-1/2 INCHES (5 CM) IN DIAMETER. (see illustration 3/3A below)
• TAKE EACH BALL AND PULL, STRETCH OR GENTLY ROLL INTO A 5″ DIAMETER BY 1/2″ THICK ROUND PANCAKE SHAPE. (see illustration 4/4A below)
• TAKE THREE SIDES OF THE CIRCLE AND FOLD TOWARDS THE CENTER MAKING A TRIANGLE SHAPE, EACH ABOUT 3-4″ LONG ON EACH SIDE. (see illustration 5/5A below)
• TURN EACH TRIANGLE SHAPE UPSIDE DOWN ON THE PARCHMENT LINED COOKIE SHEET (see illustration 6/6A below)
• LOOSELY COVER WITH A TOWEL (see illustration 7/7A
• TURN ON OVEN TO 450degrees F (OR 235 degrees C). THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT!!! LET ME SAY AGAIN A HOT OVEN IS CRITICAL!!!LET STAND, COVERED, WHILE YOUR OVEN HEATS TO FULL TEMPERATURE, FOR MINE THIS IS ABOUT 35 MINUTES
• ONCE THE OVEN COMES TO TEMPERATURE, TURN OVER THE TRIANGLES, AND PLACE BACK ON THE PARCHMENT, SO THE FOLDS ARE NOW POINTED UPWARDS. (see illustration 8/8AA below)
• PUT THE TRAY ON THE MIDDLE RACK OF THE OVEN AND BAKE FOR 20 MINUTES, KEEPING CAREFUL WATCH ON THEIR PROGRESS.
• WHEN THE TOPS ARE GOLDEN BROWN AND THE FOLDS HAVE SWELLED SLIGHTLY TO ALLOW THE INSIDE TO EXPAND, THEN THESE BEAUTIES ARE DONE. (see illustration 9/9A below)
• TAKE SPECIAL CARE THAT THE UNDERSIDES DO NOT GET TOO DARK. IF THEY START TO DARKEN REMOVE FROM THE OVEN. REMEMBER LIGHTER COLORED BUNS ARE PREFERABLE TO THOSE THAT APPEAR PERFECT ON TOP BUT ARE TOO DARK ON THE BOTTOM
• REMEMBER A HOT OVEN, A MINIMAL AMOUNT OF KNEADING ON THE DOUGH AND THE FOLDED SHAPE ARE THE KEY STEPS.

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Ok that’s out there. I am now ready for the abuse, that all true Peruvians and real bakers will rain down on my head. The ingredients are much the same as bread, anywhere, including Peru. Basically flour, salt, water and yeast. I have used, everything, the same in my recipe that they would in Arequipa, Peru, with the exception that I didn’t use the Manteca (Lard), due to my obesity concerns.

I understand that adding a cup of yogurt in the dry mix and reducing the water a bit, also works as a kind of substitute for the lard. I have tried this also and it was delicious. So please, experiment. I also used very warm, but not boiling water to activate the yeast and bring the “rising” time down. I am sure long term kneading and overnight rising, would make these buns much lighter and bigger, however I’m very close to achieving their result………. What I can not replicate and what makes the bread from Arequipa so much more heady are things like; eating fresh bread at 10,000 feet in the Andes under a backdrop of a Spanish Colonial City. Or, cooking the bread on a large flat rock in the oven, or pairing it with fresh Mortadella and fresh Peruvian cheese from the Andes to eat it with.

All of these we try our best to replicate, but nothing will ever replace the real bread experience of early morning in Arequipa. All I can say is that I should get some Peruvian “leeway” after having slept with one for all these years.

EDITOR’S NOTE: ALTHOUGH THIS RECIPE SEEMS QUITE LONG, IT IS EXTREMELY EASY TO MAKE AND, PRODUCES BUNS THAT ARE, VERY CLOSE TO THE SAME TASTE YOU WOULD FIND IN AREQUIPA, OR SO I’M TOLD BY A REAL PERUVIAN.