STRANGE THINGS THAT VIKINGS THOUGHT WERE NORMAL – AN OPINION PIECE – YEAR 2001

Over a period of time, in the early 2000’s, I had occasion to travel to Norway many times. None of these trips were for pleasure. In many ways, our life up to that point was a mixture of work and pleasure. Norway was a little different. Deysi remained in Scotland, while I made my excursions to the land of the Norsemen. I experienced some things that, in my opinion, seemed strange. The one failing, that I would admit to, during this time, was that of never carrying my camera with me when I visited. It just seemed, when I was there, all I ever really wanted, was to go home. This piece is just a verbal gathering of observations, that I made, during these visits. There is no photo supported proof, that, I had ever been there. Just my memories.

I did not particularly agree with the political structure of Norway. However, I could not argue with the results. The people seemed content, albeit, in my opinion, they seemed slightly broken in spirit. Or, perhaps they were just broken of “capitalism” and were merely at peace, and just living the “socialist” dream. I guess, it was here that I started to soften my opinion of politics around the world. Up to that point, you might say that I was very “set” and unwavering, when it came to, what I thought, was right and wrong. I know many, will protest in anger, and shout out, “not so Jimbo, you were always a gentle spirit, and very open to other’s opinions!” Oh well, if you all insist!

Besides the political climate, one of the first things I encountered, was the cost of basic necessities in Norway. The first example was beer! Being in this hotbed of socialism, I fully expected beer to be “free for the workers”! It was there, I received a surprise. Shortly after checking into the local hotel, on my first visit, I found myself “bellied up” to the bar. I grab the menu and scan it for something, that a Viking might use, to quench his thirst. Thus, after many hours, of travel from Scotland, I was introduced to drinking Norwegian style.

I identified a beer, brewed in Oslo (although owned by the Danes), that sounded very tempting. It was named Ringnes. “Bring me a “horn” of that one”, I demanded. And so they did. It arrived, in the form of a skinny, what we would call a, sleeve, or baby beer. It was not the thing of legends, not close to a good ol’ Scottish pint, and sure enough not big enough, to spill any down my chin while quaffing it. Beside it came the bill. I glance at it and see a price of $11.00US (say $14.00 CDN). I didn’t think much of it, assuming it meant 11 Kroner. At that time a full pint of beer in Scotland was about 2.00 Pound Sterling, and about $2.50 for a big beer, in Canada.

I slurp this, baby beer, down, and move on to another. Now I have two bills for $11.00US, each, sitting in front of me, and I have not yet quenched my parched throat. The bartender, asks me if I will be paying in US Dollars, or would I like him to convert it to Kroner. The realization finally hits. I could not believe that I have just spent $22.00 and have yet to drink a, full, pint of beer. What in hell happened to Socialism, wasn’t the worker entitled to free beer? Apparently not! Remember this was 20 years ago!

That memory, leads me to another, also related to alcohol. This one, I have a hard time arguing with. If, for instance, you were caught driving over the limit, in Norway. Which was very easy to do. The limit being 0.05 (blood alcohol content). You were automatically sentenced to serve 2 weeks in a Norwegian jail. Or as some might describe it, a Norwegian Summer Camp. Not only you, as the driver, but everyone else in the vehicle. That because, if you climbed into a vehicle with someone that had been drinking, then obviously, you were as guilty as them. You had, by your actions, given them permission to drink and drive. Makes some kinda sense, right?

It seemed harsh, but as I understand it, most Norwegians, at some point had made one or more visits to the drinking jail. In fact we had a crew of Scottish workers, over to help with the startup of the plant. And we lost quite a number of them for two week stretches, after testing the Viking driving laws. A fitting punishment you might say, however conditions in the drinking jail, were somewhat of a joke. it was described as very holiday like. There were lots of activities and things to do. Visitors came and went, freely. You were given three “squares” per day, or could have friends and family bring you in whatever you fancied, except more beer.

It seemed, that no one minded this two week vacation. While serving your “time out”, your employer was not allowed to fire you. He had to guarantee your job, and continue your salary while you were away. Something like a paid vacation. Geezus! Amongst our foreign crews, it became something of a status symbol, to have been sent away for a vacation, by the Norsemen. It would have made a real Viking, throw up in his grave. In their time, if a Viking drank too much (if that is not an oxymoron), they just broke his drinking horn, so he could not get more. None of them, in those days, were about to share their horn with you. Hence, if you didn’t have a drinking horn, you had no beer.

The last thing that I found strange, after spending a short time in a local hotel in Farsund, Norway, was the emptiness of the bar. It seemed that no Vikings drank in the pub. All there ever was, were a few travellers, like myself that also stayed in the hotel. There was nary a local to be seen. This made for a very deserted place. With the reputation of the Norsemen for drink and plunder, it seemed strange. However, come Friday evening, and things took a dramatic turn.

The first time I had to stay over a weekend, I learned just how strange these people were. The evening started out, much as normal. After a long day at work, a couple of us headed for our hotel, to have a couple of $11.00 beers and then dinner. As always, ol’ Jimbo Red was in his bed by 9:00pm. (I was somewhat of a saint). At about 11:30pm I was awakened by loud music and the sounds of laughter, hollering and stomping. It sounded like Mardi Gras was happening, directly over my head. There was no way to sleep thru this so I got up to go investigate.

The noise is coming from the pub. It is near midnight, but as I enter, to see what is going on, I am confronted with an amazing sight. It looks and sounds like I have just entered a New York nightclub. Lights are flashing, music blaring, Vikings hollering, and ladies shrieking. There must have been 500 bodies milling around on the dance floor. I was shocked. Three hours previous, you could have shot a cannon off, thru this bar, and never hit anyone. Now it was crazy. And this is when I learned another strange thing about Vikings.

It seems like, I was not the only one surprised by the price, of the commodity, beer. It also, apparently, shocked the locals. The custom they had developed, to get around the outrageous cost of Ale, goes to prove my opinion of their strangeness. You see, because of the high cost. The Vikings, men and ladies, made and drank, homemade, moonshine, hooch, porch climber, or screech, at home until 11:30 at night. Then they poured into the bars, from wherever they lived, for “last call” at 12:00 midnight. By that time they were already drunk! So they bought, ONE beer from the bar, and had a couple of dances, a fight or two, as well as, some yelling and cursing.

They were then cutoff, an hour later, at closing, whereby they all disappeared back into the night. I know it sounds unbelievable, but I told you already, that I found these Vikings, somewhat strange. Now after reading this post, you probably think that I was “to” fixated on beer. However, it is just one point in my memory bank, that remains with me at this time. I must say it was not, nearly the only thing that contributed to my opinion.

At work, we had to deal with a very strong, government backed, labour union. I’m not just speaking of the plant workers. Nope, everyone on our staff was a member of the union. The only people, not, were our top level management sent in from other places to run this operation. It came to pass that we had an engineer, on full pay, that I never had the opportunity to meet. In the grand tradition of labour unions and Socialist government, it appears that he had developed the perfect way to avoid, dirtying his hands at work. It went something like this:

The union labour agreement stated that if a married couple had a baby, then they were (each) entitled to a full year off work, at full pay, once the little gaffer arrived. Now like good Vikings, our engineer and his lass, could procreate. I never learned if he knew anything about engineering, however I did know that he could produce little vikings. In the 5 years, that I was involved with this plant, I never once got to meet him. Although we did pay him, his full salary, each and every month. At last count, he had produced baby number 5, and still had another year off. Lord knows how many they have now, or if he ever had to go back to work. I don’t even want to think of it. Now if that is not strange, please tell me.

The last thing that seemed real strange to me, was that, the Labour law, stated that the union must have a member on each company’s Board of Directors! Can you imagine? Because we had to form a Norwegian company to do work in Norway, then we also had to take a labour union member onto our board. It made it extremely difficult to speak of business matters, when you had the union rep, sitting in. All talk of profits, were off the table! There was no way, that you wanted the union to know that you were making money. Staffing cuts were also out. New equipment expenditures, OUT, (after all if there was money left for equipment, why not give it to the workers?)

As a consequence, our board meetings were extremely dull and full of misinformation. If we needed to relay things to our workforce, we just brought it up in a board meeting. The union, board member, then made sure all of his people were filled in. Basically in the board meetings we sat around making up things to talk about, sang a little Kumbaya, and filled the union rep full of fake news. Geezus, sounds like a well known media organization, doesn’t it. So the serious discussions, about how to run our business, were done informally, and out of country. My question is, how inefficient, do you think, the operation of each and every company, doing business in Norway, must have been?

I am now at the conclusion to my opinion piece on the Vikings. I have many more weird things that I experienced while there. However, so as not to bore you to death, I will stop here. Remember, this is my opinion, only, and probably does not reflect the thoughts of a true Norwegian. In fact, they undoubtably thought, that we were the strange ones.